There are only a limited number of people, one to be exact, that could possibly get away with calling me The Three Legged Lady. And he did, smiled big as life and laid the title on me Sunday. Strangely enough, after a second of shock, I laughed. Like I said only one person I know could've pulled this off. I'm pretty sensitive about my current condition.
None of us asks for a handicap. No one asks to age. Not that I view aging as a handicap, I don't. It's just that both have landed in my corner simultaneously and I'm trying to deal with both. Frankly, not doing such a bang up job of it. Or maybe that's what I'm doing - banging it up. I've decided to set aside worrying about my age (I decide that every ten minutes, Uhggg!) so I can focus on improving the condition that has created The Three Legged Lady. To be really honest I've been in a major funk over this. It's depressing to think I may never be my normal active self again. Two weeks ago I hit a new low. I'd been walking Ginger. She stopped under one of my favorite spring trees for a moment. I took advantage of the stop and looked up. Above my head were my favorite blossoms - already in full bloom. The problem with that was these are special blooms. They take weeks to fully open and I've always kept track of their cycle and progress. Seeing they had bloomed without me, I realized I'd missed the entire pre-production. Why? Because using a cane has required me to keep my eyes on the ground in front of me, not taking in my surroundings as was my normal routine. I looked around and saw everything else I'd been missing. I cried the rest of the way home. What was this situation turning me into? Was I losing ME? Was I losing the SELF I'd always known myself to be? I was frightened and frantic. I liked who I was, I don't want to become different, I don't want to become narrow in my vision and scope of experiences. I don't want to become so absorbed in pain that my world and my view of it shrinking into grief. I had a rough couple of days. Yes, I realize I have a choice. But if you've never experienced unrelenting, limiting pain you don't know how exhausting and consumed you can become. Find balance, that's what I told myself. I'm still struggling, in a re-creating phase of my life, it's scary and uncertain. Like much of life. I've survived scary before and still emerged with a smile. I hope this is the same.
There is a bit of good news in this. The acupuncture is helping. The first few weeks there was no change. Just in the last week or so I've noticed an improvement. Yesterday I walked Ginger without using a cane. Still gimpy but I'm hopeful to regain full previous functioning. I've been cautioned, once this area of my feet have been this severely compromised, it's easy to re-injure. I will always need to be careful and take as many precautions as possible.
Oh, and I love my acupuncturist! Sweet, knowledgeable, humble doctor of Chinese Medicine. I appreciate the Eastern philosophies regarding health, spirituality and healing. It makes sense and feels right. I saw my Western doctor on Friday, she was stunned by the difference.
None of us asks for a handicap. No one asks to age. Not that I view aging as a handicap, I don't. It's just that both have landed in my corner simultaneously and I'm trying to deal with both. Frankly, not doing such a bang up job of it. Or maybe that's what I'm doing - banging it up. I've decided to set aside worrying about my age (I decide that every ten minutes, Uhggg!) so I can focus on improving the condition that has created The Three Legged Lady. To be really honest I've been in a major funk over this. It's depressing to think I may never be my normal active self again. Two weeks ago I hit a new low. I'd been walking Ginger. She stopped under one of my favorite spring trees for a moment. I took advantage of the stop and looked up. Above my head were my favorite blossoms - already in full bloom. The problem with that was these are special blooms. They take weeks to fully open and I've always kept track of their cycle and progress. Seeing they had bloomed without me, I realized I'd missed the entire pre-production. Why? Because using a cane has required me to keep my eyes on the ground in front of me, not taking in my surroundings as was my normal routine. I looked around and saw everything else I'd been missing. I cried the rest of the way home. What was this situation turning me into? Was I losing ME? Was I losing the SELF I'd always known myself to be? I was frightened and frantic. I liked who I was, I don't want to become different, I don't want to become narrow in my vision and scope of experiences. I don't want to become so absorbed in pain that my world and my view of it shrinking into grief. I had a rough couple of days. Yes, I realize I have a choice. But if you've never experienced unrelenting, limiting pain you don't know how exhausting and consumed you can become. Find balance, that's what I told myself. I'm still struggling, in a re-creating phase of my life, it's scary and uncertain. Like much of life. I've survived scary before and still emerged with a smile. I hope this is the same.
There is a bit of good news in this. The acupuncture is helping. The first few weeks there was no change. Just in the last week or so I've noticed an improvement. Yesterday I walked Ginger without using a cane. Still gimpy but I'm hopeful to regain full previous functioning. I've been cautioned, once this area of my feet have been this severely compromised, it's easy to re-injure. I will always need to be careful and take as many precautions as possible.
Oh, and I love my acupuncturist! Sweet, knowledgeable, humble doctor of Chinese Medicine. I appreciate the Eastern philosophies regarding health, spirituality and healing. It makes sense and feels right. I saw my Western doctor on Friday, she was stunned by the difference.