I wish I could say my only sorrow was going to be in missing them. But that would not be true. Yes, these two little girls have both parents in the home, and yes, both parents love the children. However, there are some unique, shall we say challenges for this little family? My presence, in greater frequency (at the very least weekly), is needed. I give these little girls something they both need and don't, or won't, get once I'm gone. My son pointed this out to me, which wasn't necessary at all since I'm not blind. He also applied a great deal of pressure for me to move back east with them when they move in March. Two days ago was the first time in my son's adult life that he and I had to draw lines in the sand and push each other back. That was hard for me. He sees my reasons for wanting to continue living where I am instead of moving, as selfish. He won't accept that I can truly love my grandchildren and other children and allow a continent to separate us. What he doesn't know, and I couldn't bring myself to tell him, is how deeply it hurts me to see what is lacking in his household and what will ultimately be the cost. He also doesn't know I have to put up walls to protect myself from heartache. I don't like living behind walls. And no matter where I live, my family will still be separated by a continent. Piper will never leave here. For the first time in my life, I love living in a place. For the first time I feel like I'm home and this is where I belong. The only way I could relocate is to know I can still come back and live here at least half the year. And I'm rambling - done!
It may take a while to get caught up and catch my breath once I get home. And bless Piper for sending me pics of Buntah every day - I have missed my little person friend!