You know, for being part of the most intelligent species on the planet – the ability to reason and all that – I can do some pretty stupid things sometimes. This morning, I put a pan of water on the stove to boil so I could make my favorite ChocJo. The stove did its thing and the water boiled. I poured what I needed into my mug then watched a dog hair float to the top. It’s been boiled, so it’s sanitary, I thought to myself. Nope, just couldn’t do it. HERE’S the stupid part – I plunged my finger into the water – the boiling water – to dig it out. My “nerve to neuron” system works just fine by the way. So do my vocal chords, and ‘expletive selection’ system. Must have let the subscription run out on my “smarts” system. At least I had sense enough to put it on ice right away.
After the throbbing stopped I went in search of ways to make my ego feel better. I turned to the internet. You might be surprised what you learn if you Google the word STUPID. I found these “stupid warnings and signs” online. Welcome to the smartest species on Earth!
STUPID WARNINGS AND SIGNS
“To prevent possible injury, do not apply the hose or the lid sealer to any part of the body while vacuum pump is in operation.” On Foodsealer (Vacuum seals foods)
Did someone try this? Liposuction poor man style! Vacuums suck man – no pun intended! I met one once that could take the skin of your body!
“All divers must land in water!” On an Unknown Diving Board
Really?
“Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.” On an Unknown Mattress
Was this one really necessary?
Plank spread across driveway: “No Porking” Alpharetta, Georgia Neighborhood
Thanks for the warning, this is NOT the place for me!
“This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
Oh gosh, thanks for telling me, I just might have tried this one.
“Warning: Do not take this product, unless directed by a doctor if you have difficulty in urination due to enlargement of the prostate gland.” Midol Maximum Strength Gelcaps
How about makers of Midol need a refresher course in anatomy?
“At entrance to jail, a sign reads, “No weapons beyond this point”. Message is also written in braille underneath.” Sheriff’s Dept., Warrden County, IN
Cuz I’d hate to see what a blind person could do with a gun!
“Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.” Jonsreds Chainsaw
Who among us hasn’t tried this?
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” Swedish Chainsaw
No words, I shudder!
Besides the throbbing in my finger, I felt much better after reading these. Nothing like a closer look at the rest of our “reasoning” species to make me feel better about myself - or at least not so stupid.
After the throbbing stopped I went in search of ways to make my ego feel better. I turned to the internet. You might be surprised what you learn if you Google the word STUPID. I found these “stupid warnings and signs” online. Welcome to the smartest species on Earth!
STUPID WARNINGS AND SIGNS
“To prevent possible injury, do not apply the hose or the lid sealer to any part of the body while vacuum pump is in operation.” On Foodsealer (Vacuum seals foods)
Did someone try this? Liposuction poor man style! Vacuums suck man – no pun intended! I met one once that could take the skin of your body!
“All divers must land in water!” On an Unknown Diving Board
Really?
“Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.” On an Unknown Mattress
Was this one really necessary?
Plank spread across driveway: “No Porking” Alpharetta, Georgia Neighborhood
Thanks for the warning, this is NOT the place for me!
“This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
Oh gosh, thanks for telling me, I just might have tried this one.
“Warning: Do not take this product, unless directed by a doctor if you have difficulty in urination due to enlargement of the prostate gland.” Midol Maximum Strength Gelcaps
How about makers of Midol need a refresher course in anatomy?
“At entrance to jail, a sign reads, “No weapons beyond this point”. Message is also written in braille underneath.” Sheriff’s Dept., Warrden County, IN
Cuz I’d hate to see what a blind person could do with a gun!
“Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.” Jonsreds Chainsaw
Who among us hasn’t tried this?
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” Swedish Chainsaw
No words, I shudder!
Besides the throbbing in my finger, I felt much better after reading these. Nothing like a closer look at the rest of our “reasoning” species to make me feel better about myself - or at least not so stupid.