The oldest game in the world - just think about it.  Thus it is, and thus it has always been.  Pip finally talked me into watching "Game Of Thrones" with her. She's hooked and been after me for a year to watch it with her. My tender heart and intense aversion to displays of brutal gorishness has kept me from joining her.  Well this week was an emotionally trying week so, yeah, I was up for something different. I agreed to watch the first two episodes of the first season if she would fast forward through all the gory grizzly deaths. Wahoo game on!  Funny turn of events in the parent child relationship, the child (17 years old) censoring for the parent.  She didn't bother shielding me from the nude females, "you already know what they look like" says she.  She fast forwarded through all the sex scenes too, "you don't need to see that stuff either," she said.  The few times a man was shown nude she fast skipped those too, "that's just gross, better shut your eyes," she says.  Anyway, I got a kick out of her, how excited she was to share and how diligent she was in censoring for me.  What did I think of the story line?  Whew!  Complicated Medieval soap opera!!  Only more interesting than soap operas - I LOVE the costumes.  I kept asking WHY!  Why does ts person do that?  Why doesn't that person do this?  She kept saying, "you don't get this do you, this is how they play the GAME OF THRONES, it's all about the game of power and politics Mom."  During our discussion after the end of the second season, I said it again, "why?????".  She turned to face me dead on, "you REALLY don't get this do you?", this time with a sad realization.  She slowly shook her head side to side while she contemplated the obviously defunct state of mind of her mother.  I wasn't sure whether to feel insulted or complimented - still don't.  I like to think I'm smart enough to save my own head - if you don't know it, there's a lot of head chopping in this series.  But the truth is, I'm afraid I'd have lost it early on in the game, just don't have a mind for power and politics. 

We watched the entire first and second seasons in one week - not as hard as you think when you're skipping all the sex and violence.  I'm hooked now too.  But because I still want the Stark family to be reunited and honor to prevail.  She's read the books that are available and assures me neither of those things happens.  This particular author is has a reputation for killing off important key characters.  Which in her mind is refreshing.  Not because sometimes the bad guys win, but because it's more like real life, unpredictable no matter how you try.

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Side note - Buntah found herself in a bit of trouble last night.  She jumped off Pips lap and hot tailed it under my dresser.  She'd been shedding so she was still sticky.  Every dust particle and lint ball under there was drawn to her like a magnet.  By the time we got her out of there she looked like a poodle toad.  She was so cute.  And this morning, she was sitting on my bed while I packed my back pack for the day, she started walking to me, I put my hand down on the bed to see if she'd climb into (been trying to get her to do this for months) it, and she di 

Here's an update for you - attorneys for the two juvenile attackers of Savannah Dietrich have withdrawn their plea to have her held in contempt of court!!  If you're confused, read my previous post or do a search for this gutsy girl.  The plea was withdrawn after "online outrage" over the charge erupted.  A petition signed on her behalf got 50,000 signatures in a 24 hour period - HELLYAH!!!!!  This outcome thrills me to no end!  Justice for her and a victory for women all over the country!! 

TO YOUR COURAGE SAVANNAH!!!!  YOU GO GIRL!!   :o)

Justice System?  America has no Justice System.  America has a Legal System.  I have experienced the American Legal System first hand and found its central focus to be the protection of “rights”, not the delivery of “justice”.  The rights of the guilty are frequently in complete opposition to the cause of justice and the rights of the guilty are vehemently protected.       

Part of the problem with making sense of this process is our mind-set.  When we hear the word “Justice” we tend to think in idealistic terms.  Justice implies renewal to a previous perfect or innocent state.  Justice implies satisfaction.  There are some situations where renewal to a previous innocent or perfect state will never happen.  There are some things you cannot give back once taken.  It is impossible to return and renew what has been taken from rape victims, shooting victims, and abuse victims.  You can’t always return sight, or full functioning to persons permanently damaged by a bullet or other injury.  You can never renew the traumatized to their pre-traumatized state.  You can never return a lost loved one.

So whats the point to the justice system?  To level a sentence on the guilty party that will satisfy the victims?  When James Holmes is brought to ''the full extent of our Justice system" as promised by President OBama yesterday to the survivors of the massacre in Aurora Colorado, what will that look like?  Life in prison?  Death by whatever method is allowed in Colorado, if it’s allowed?  By his death, will we be satisfied that justice has been served?  Perhaps.  But it still won’t bring back those 12 people who died at his hand.  His death won’t restore full movement to those paralyzed and maimed.  His death won’t stop the nightmares of the witnesses or remove the fears from the rest of us. So perhaps, justice never can be satisfied.  

Another current case in the news - what is “just” in the case of 17 year old rape victim Savannah Deitrich, who is being charged with contempt of court for naming her two attackers (also 17) in a social setting outside the court room?  The attackers “rights” were to have their identity protected from the public – this was part of a plea bargain offered to them if they would plead guilty.  Miss Dietrich knew nothing about this until it had already been offered to and accepted by her attackers.  These two boys violated her taking pictures during the attack then afterward circulated the photos for all to see. They damaged her, raped her and made her life a living hell, why should their rights be any more important than hers?  She wants to know and so do I.  Were their rights more important because they were 17?  Sorry, no argument as far as I’m concerned.  Savannah is 17 also.  

When informed of this arrangement the Judge warned Savannah she would be held in contempt of court resulting in 180 days in jail and or a $500 fine if she violated her attackers right to privacy.  Savannah says, (quote) “I’m at the point, that if I have to go to jail for my rights, I will do it,” she said. “If they really feel it’s necessary to throw me in jail for talking about what happened to me ... as opposed to throwing these boys in jail for what they did to me, then I don’t understand justice.”  

Unfortunately Miss Dietrich, you may never understand “Justice” within the American Legal System.  I hope, hope, hope, you are better served than most.  And I support your move.

Almost 50 years old and was in my first car accident today.  Fortunately neither driver was harmed and my car only sustained structural damage.  Emotionally though, I'm surprised where my feelings have taken me. I'm surprised at how vulnerable I feel right now.  I'm surprised that I didn't want to get back in my car and drive away when the time came.  I was actually frightened and overly vigilant about my driving all the way home and wary of other cars on the road.  I found myself white knuckling the steering wheel and holding my breath.  I hope this passes quickly.  Tomorrow I start with the claims processors I guess, got as far as I could with them today but that wasn't far since it was Sunday.  This whole process is new to me and very confusing.  Oh well wish me luck.  I'm very grateful neither of us were physically harmed.

Guess what we had for dinner?  Eh-hem, we had ice cream and chocolate chip cookies (from frozen store bought dough).  I dropped the goods on the couch, told Piper that was dinner, she just up looked up at me and said, "What happened?!"  This is total stress mode dinner.  I explained, we hugged, I told her I was scared to get back in the car, she told me to get over it then we watched a fun movie.  Poor choice of movie, we forgot it had a car accident in it, whew.  Oh well, it did make me laugh - and cry when the girl broke the guys heart.  Love can be tougher on a person than a car accident.  Hmmmmm . . . . . . . . . . . . . love gone the way of heartbreak can leave a person shell shocked like a car accident too come to think of it.

Buntah is being so cute tonight.  She's sitting behind her pot in her Townhouse on my dresser, she keeps peaking around the corner at me like Tad does when we play Hide and Seek.  Now she's peeking from the other side, funny girl!

I don't feel so good at the moment.  Overload of nerves, standing too long in the hot burning sun and eating ice cream and cookies for dinner doesn't sit well with me I guess - and no I'm not surprised.  Just didn't have it left in me to cook when I got home.  Didn't finish cleaning up the mess I started before I left either.  You know when you get in one of those moods to haul out and deep clean everything in your bathroom - like once every two years - under the sink, go through all old medications, toss old half used stuff, baseboards, shelves, rugs, clean all the little bottles etc., yeah, that's what I was doing when I had to leave for an errand that couldn't wait until tomorrow.  And apparently that's what I'll finish tomorrow night after babysitting and dealing with car insurance claim processors.  I would wait till the "mood" revisits me but that may take another two years and I really don't want to walk around the mess that long.  Darnit!  Forgot to bathe Ginger, no wonder she's giving me shifty eyes!!  Poor Baby!!  OK, that's it!  I'm officially a mess tonight.  Signing off!!!!

My mind is reeling pretty much like everyone else this morning - just saw the news from Aurora Colorado, the mass shooting at the midnight showing of Batman The Dark Knight Rises.  I don't understand what motivates a person to do something like this.  I am sad and heartsick.  And I was shocked to find out there were babies and young children - as young as six in the audience.  Call me a softy or whatever you want, but I don't understand the mindset of parents who expose their young - very young to such violence and disregard for human life as is played out on screen.  This was no place for children.

My heart goes out to all the victims, loved ones and the survivors.  Just because they may not have been hit by a bullet doesn't mean they will be alright.  Every person in that building was victimized and scarred. 

I may edit this posting later, my thoughts are too scattered to be anything but sick and outraged.

** ADDED/EDITED AT 2:00 a.m. 07-21-2012

Throughout my day I’ve been keeping up with the news out of Colorado.  It’s no less shocking and hurtful at this late hour than it was as breaking news this morning.  It could’ve have been any of us in that theater and my prayers go out to those families and souls who were there.

There’s much about this incident that is wrong and frightening on many levels.

Already the finger pointing over has begun.  Some say guns (no doubt gun control laws will become a bigger issue in the upcoming elections) are to blame.  Other say the glamorization of violence in the entertainment industry is to blame.  The bottom line is a very disturbed young man is to blame.

I support my personal right to bear arms – and my neighbors.  I don’t buy the argument that because we have access to guns we have mayhem.  A man, or woman, can take a life with his or her bare hands, and guess what – we’ve all got those!  I'm not sure about the statistics, but my guess would be far more people in this country are negatively impacted by domestic violence than misuse of guns.

What I take issue with is the nonchalant, irresponsible way so many of our young parents expose their small children to graphic violence. When you expose a small child to viewing graphic violence, yourself accepting it as par for the course, you are teaching them that killing each other is, you know, just what we do here. The tool of choice becomes of secondary importance whether it’s a gun, bomb, knife or fist. 

Babies don’t belong in movies.  Children under 13 don’t belong in graphically violent movies.  By 13, the human mind is better equipped to understanding right from wrong and sorting through what is being viewed on screen.  Any parent with half a brain wouldn’t take their four year old child into a theater they suspected a gunman of hiding in. So why would a parent take their four year child into a theater where they KNEW their kid was going to see people blown to bits?  This makes no sense to me.  And I’m not just referring to the people who had their small children in that theater in Aurora.  As the news and peoples shock and outrage flood the media, I’ve read account after account of parents from all over the country, my own hometown, saying how disappointed their four year old was, or five year old was when they had to postpone seeing Batman.  Doctors of psychology, parenting experts, behavioral experts have been warning us for DECADES about the emotional damage viewing violence at an early age can AND DOES have on young children.  This is, after all, why we have a movie rating system – HELLO!!!

Gun control laws and the movie industry cannot, and should not, have to make up for irresponsible parenting.  Just because something is available doesn’t mean it’s appropriate or healthy for every age.  Come on people think!  How the up and coming generations are raised affects us all.

Aren't limited to children.  My poor son is experiencing a profound shift in his personal journey through parenthood.  A couple of days ago, he was helping his three and a half year old daughter put her shoes on and thought he had the wrong child.  "Wait a minute - what happened to my baby girl?  These aren't BABY feet anymore!"  Bless him, he looked for her baby feet and they weren't to be found.  As a matter of fact, wherever the baby FEET went, so did the baby hands and the baby face.  He said he looked hard at his daughter, "she's not the same anymore Mom," he choked, "what happened to my little baby, there's a little Girl here now."  He grieved and he doesn't like this change one tiny bit.  "Make it stop Mom!"  I want a Do-Over - can't we just point the remote at her and hit rewind, maybe yours will work cuz mine isn't.  Every time I point and click at her she just looks at me like I grew a second head!  It's not supposed to happen like this."  Well Son, it does happen just like this.  This is why I told you when she was born to strap yourself in tight and hold on for the ride, cuz once she takes her first breath of air, she'll be off and running and it doesn't stop."  Then I reminded him he grew up on me.  "Yeah but I don't remember that so it doesn't count."

I did the only thing a mother to her grown son can do, I listened while he poured his heart and his grief out.  I listened to his fears, all the what if's and the "she really will be a teenager won't she" and "tell me again why I can't lock her in the basement and not let her date?  Tell me why I can't pick her husband - and don't you dare tell me some day she will be wearing bras - really Mom, it might be funny sometimes but this isn't one of those times, I can't handle that today, my heart just can't handle it - Mommmmm, what can I do?"

"The only thing you can do Son, hold her, love her, cherish every second you can with her.  Make memories, take pictures, make recordings of her voice," - he cut in, "What?!  Her voice is going to change too?" 

"Yes Will, her voice is going to change too."  Silence.  Then, "I'm not ready for this."  More silence.  Then a sniffle.  Then a small voice, "DaaaAAaadddd, c'mon!"  and he had to go.  Yes, he really had to go, didn't want to miss a second of anything with her.  "Love you Mom - sorry I grew up." 

"I'm not, just look at you now!  I love you too."  Then we both hung up.  I knew the place he was in, the awe, the overwhelming feelings every parent has when they watch their child take their first steps up to the next phase of their life.  I smiled to myself and remembered a little boys baby feet, a little boys voice, a little boys head on my shoulder as he slept.

And I grieved too.

Wow, this week really got away from me - and do I feel like I accomplished anything?  Hmmmm . . . . . . . gotta think on that.  It seems I never accomplish what I feel I need to in any given week not matter how organized I am going about it.  I'll get this wild hair every now and then, plan out the upcoming week on Sunday evening prioritizing the needed phone calls, errands and business etc. and jump in Monday morning like I'm doing a world class championship cannonball into a pool.  Problem is, those weeks it seems someone pulls the plug and drains the pool so I go SPLAT on the hard bottom!  And I'm left going, "What the hell just happened?" The rest of the week is spent trying to stay out of trouble, keep my nose above water and generally wrestling an octopus.

Then there are the weeks I say, "Alright then, I'm going to just wing it," keeping the priorities up front. What happens? Same thing.  Wrangle that damn octopus, stay out of trouble (which is haaaaarrrd to do when you live with a teenager!) and keep my nose above water.

I'd have to say, the first three days of this week I didn't think I was going to make it through.  That damn octopus was bigger, meaner and faster than ever.  So by Thursday I was in "stun" mode.  Today, guess I'm just driftin.  However, I do have to say to my credit, I did finish one of my children's stories and have great starts on two different query letters.  Yeah me!!  It's just a tip of the ice-burg I need to turn, but hey, I feel good about it.

In other news; I finally watched "The Woman In Black" with Daniel Radcliff aka Harry Potter.  I like a good ghost story and I liked this one.  Have to admit the main reason for wanting to see this one was to see if Daniel Radcliff can pull off anything besides Harry Potter.  Yes, he can act, but the problem is he still LOOKS like Harry. Will he ever be able to get away from that branding?  I can't say.  For my part, I couldn't understand why he didn't whip his wand out and blast that nasty old ghost, she didn't have nothing on the Dementors. The ending was a bit unusual but I liked it in it's different twistedness.  Out of a five, I'd give it a 4.5.

I also finished the second book in the "Fifty Shades" trilogy, "Fifty Shades Darker".  Best part of it was the last page and a half.  If it hadn't been for that I wouldn't even bother reading the final book.  I found this second book very repetitive - same old same old, page after bloody page, sometimes utterly unbelievable, and I found Ana's character unrealistic and boring (same as in the first book).  The bondage sex is pretty much gone, well, no maybe not.  The Dominant/Submissive aspect is gone, that's fine.  But I still don't get what the big deal  is.  These sex scenes are poorly written and unbelievably unreal.  This girl has an orgasm if her man even sneezes, what real woman out there has an orgasm every time she turns around?  It just doesn't happen in the real world.  Anyway, this is the best I can say about this book. Out of five - I couldn't even give it a one. Like I said, the best part of the entire book is the last page and a half.  That last page and a half gives me enough reason to read the next one.

So . . . . . . . . . Buntah is in the bathtub and having finished off this evenings worms is patiently waiting for her cricket desert.  However, Ginger is not so patient.  She is sitting on the floor beside me whining and crossing her legs, time for a wal I think.  Glad tomorrow is Saturday.  Will be even happier when Sunday afternoon get's here, we have a fun outing planned! 

The following is a re-posting of July 03, 2011.  It's just as pertinent this year as last.  I cannot think of the Fourth of July, my heritage and my citizenship in this country without thinking of my Mother.  I love you Mom!!!

July 03, 20122 - If my mother were alive today, she would be deep in her preparations for tomorrow’s holiday, the 4th of July.  My mother was a patriot through and through.  She taught her children to be patriots.  She made certain each of us knew and understood the conditions surrounding the founding of this country.  She made certain each of us understood the concept of the "ULTIMATE SACRIFICE".  She asked us questions that made us think about what would be worth that sacrifice.  

All my life until the year before cancer claimed her, we had a gathering at my Mothers  home for the 4Th of July.  Grilled hamburgers (one year a brother managed to sneak a freshly skinned rattle snake on the grill, if my mother could've caught him - and she tried - she would've whupped his behind!), hotdogs, corn on the cob, watermelon, potato and macaroni salad, barbecue Boston Baked Beans, red white and blue jell-o, tossed green salad, home-made ice cream, pink lemonade and root beer - a few times is was homemade as well.  (The years before my sister disappeared she always made strawberry shortcake).  The highlight of the afternoon before fireworks of course, was always the cake. She made a very special cake every year.  The flavor and frosting varied, so did the curly Q’s, banners and flowers.  It never varied in significance.  Each year, using frosting, she wrote the names of each of our family members who served in the military from the Revolutionary War through current times.  Daniel Boone (our first cousin 8 generations removed) was on our cake as well, since he served out country in many ways.  (He paid for it dearly with the deaths of two of his children to Indians bent on revenge.)  Each year the cake also had a small plastic figurine of the famous marching fife and drum trio from the Rev. War. (You know the image, three men marching sided by side in tattered clothing, two drummers, one fife player and one of these with a bloodied wrap around his head.)   This cake, with all the names on it, and there were many, was a yearly reminder of our legacy.

My Mother always shared the information she had on each person and in what capacity they served.  We had more info on some, than others.   Her brother was a fighter pilot in WWII.  He was shot down over enemy territory.  He managed to avoid capture and returned to his unit.  His leather bomber jacket hung in my mother's closet for as long as I can remember.  We’ve all seen the news clippings of this event and read his story as he recorded it.  Thank you Mom.  She made sure we knew the story of two brothers who suffered illness, starvation and vile treatment while being held in Andersonville Prison Georgia during the Civil War.  After several months they escaped and made their way on foot all the way back to Illinoise.  One of the brothers suffered the rest of his life from complications of injuries he sustained there. 

So, today, the 3rd of July, I'm thinking of my mother and missing her.  I'm so grateful for her influence, for her teachings and for the ancestors she brought to life for me.  I’m proud to be from a long line of American Patriots. 

The following video clip I share in honor of my mother.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDjipffHpPg

(My mother's home was recently sold.  Only three of my six siblings were able to be there to divide and pack everything.  The first thing one of my brothers took was the small figurine set of the fife and drum trio that graced our Fourth of July cake for decades.  It would have been the first thing I went for too.)