We're at odds, Piper and I, over which of the annoying living creatures we are forced to live with deserves mercy and which deserve to be crushed or tossed. I say, "DOWN WITH THE SNAILS!" She says, "No! Snails can't defend themselves! You should catch and release!" Catch and release my ass!! Those little F'ckers are feasting on my plants! They're killing my babies!!! I "removed" 13 of the slimy bastards just tonight alone from my porch. And last night there were 7!! I tossed the little creeps hard across the street into the Critter Control (yes, that's a for real business) lot. Can't bring myself to stomp on them - can't handle the crunch, squirm, and ooze that follows. The last time I was at the hardware/nursery store two weeks ago, I checked on methods of SNAIL CONTROL. Of course the most humane option was also the most expensive. Well, I've had it. I'm ready to poison the gross, nasty, murderous pests. Pip can just deal. This weekend I shall become The Snail Death Squad of One!!! There are also two plants out there on my porch amongst the living and producing, that are not doing their jobs. They don't flower anymore. They're wilted and no matter what I've tried, they won't revive. However they show enough green Pip champions their right to life. I want to toss them. But now, thanks to Piper, every time I've carried them to the dumpster (which has been no fewer than five times), I hear her voice - "but there's still a little life left, they're fighters, how can you kill a living thing?" And how can I kill a fighter? "Viva la Fighters!" is one of our family creeds. Uuugghhh!!! Damn. And I've turned right around and brought them back to the porch and threatened them with tough love - straighten up, or it's adios Muchacho's! They don't respond any better than my children did to my threats!!