I’d never really considered a different layout for my Christmas Nativity. I mean, it’s pretty basic right? Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus inside the stable. Angels over here, Shepherds over there and there, animals roaming about and Wisemen, all very dignified worshiping at the cradle Of the Babe. Everybody knows their part and place. How could something this basic and standard be anything different? This is how.
Mid-December, the Nativity still wasn’t up. I was overwhelmed with daily stresses and way behind on holiday preparations. Things had fallen apart every which way I’d turned and I really needed something to go right. I was near the edge of something unpleasant. In this hour, I had to choose between setting up the Nativity, which I always do, or set it aside so I could run errands instead. If I put it aside, the chances were good I wouldn’t put it up at all this year. I looked at my fourteen year old daughter sitting on the couch. She could handle the Nativity, she’s seen it a hundred times, this’ll be an easy gig for her. So I asked, and bless her, she said she’d do it.
Feeling a bit of relief, I left for errands. Hours passed. My frustration with crowds, long lines and limited funds had far exceeded the bearable limit. Weariness, physical and emotional, was all I had left. One thought consoled me, “At least Piper will have the Nativity done when I get home and I don’t have to worry about that.” Alas, silly, silly, me. You need to know, my daughter is bright, creative and imaginative. She’s also 14. I had underestimated the extent of her creative nature.
Over the years I’d learned whenever I’m met at the door by a child with a sweet drippy smile, I probably didn’t want to know why. Especially when the eye of the smile sparkles with mischief. When I finally dragged my weary self through the door, THAT smile and THAT eye greeted me. From the intensity of the glow, I could tell she’d really enjoyed herself doing whatever it was she’d done. Oh no, not now, I’m too tired for this, I thought. So . . . I ignored it. I hoped whatever it was would go away if I pretended not to notice. I greeted her and walked on into the kitchen. My lovely daughter followed me. We jabbered small talk for a minute or two, then very sweetly she said, “I did the Nativity while you were gone.” Yeahhh, finally something went right, “Thank you Sweetie.”
“Wellllll, don’t you want to see it?” I turned and looked at her. Uh-oh, there was that that sweet, drippy smile and those mischievous glowing eyes. My heart sank like the Titanic. Oh no, no, please, not the Nativity. I can’t handle this right now. I needed time to gather and regroup myself. “I’ll take a look at it in a while ok.”
“Sure, you can look at it later.” Still smiling, she turned and walked into her bedroom shutting the door behind her. I swear her back was even smiling! Dangit! Now she had me. Regrouped or not, I had to know what she was up to. I took a deep breath and knocked quietly on her door. “Yes?” – still smiling. “Alright, I’ll look at it now.” She was obviously quite pleased with her mental trap. When we reached the set-up, she stepped aside for me to observe her handiwork – and to take pleasure in my reaction I’m sure. I looked and I was stunned. I had never seen anything like this. It was – unique. I looked at her. She was smiling. I looked back at the Nativity.
Joseph and a Wise Man lay face down side by side on the stable floor. A shepherd lay face down in one of the stalls. Another of the Wise Men was trapped, looking frantic and lost in the stall reserved for the cows. It took me a minute to find Mary because she was in the hay loft. Tradition says the animals were cozy and warm in the stable. In this version of the telling, they were positioned along the edge of the roof in what looked like a police line-up. The third Wise Man, outside on his own, had turned Peeping Tom and was making good use of a crack in the wall. Someone was missing. Ah, yes, the Main Character - the Holy Babe was MIA. Well, “not quite”, my daughter said when I asked about Him. She pointed Him out, He was outside by the well. I don’t know how long I stood there with my mouth hanging open. But as long as I stood silent, she stood patiently waiting. Finally, the only thing I could say was, “What’s with the guys lying on their faces?”
“They’re dead.”
Oh, well, of course they were. How silly of me. I took another deep breath. No, I just couldn’t deal with this right now. I turned and walked away. My daughter, sensing I “needed a moment” walked back into her bedroom, softly shutting the door. Sometimes she is wise all on her own.
I grabbed a snack, would’ve grabbed a beer but I don’t drink, and brought it the couch across from the Nativity to contemplate what my next move should be. Either I was too tired to wonder if discipline was in order, or I’d become insanely curious, but as I sat there and looked at the scene, the animals on the roof, the Peeping Tom, the men dead on their faces, all I could think of was, “What the heck happened to them?” After a few minutes, curiosity drove me back to her door. I knocked. She opened it, “Yeeees?” THAT smile again. “Alright, what’s with the dead guys?” I asked, “how did they get that way?” Quickly she switched to her serious face and without skipping a beat she said, “Unexpected attack of Christmas Elf Assassins.” Then she added, “from behind of course.” Ah, but of course.
“Come explain this ‘unexpected attack by Elf Assassins to me.” She was pleased to do so.
“What’s with the Wiseman in the manger,” I asked?
“He’s suffering from delusions that he’s a cow.” Naturally.
“And why is Mary in the hay loft?”
“She’s really half vampire and couldn’t stand the brightness of the Star.” Who knew?
“And what’s with the Wiseman outside the stable?”
“He decided to be true to his inner self, he’s really a peeping tom.” Very courageous of him.
“Why are the animals are on the roof?”
“Well . . . as you know, people never look up.” A valid point. “The animals got tired of being stared at year after year. They decided to watch the parade this year from a different vantage point. Changing views can be very enlightening you know”. I’d taught her that. “Could’ve been an interesting view from above, don’t you think?” Actually, I’d never considered it with this scenario.
“And Baby Jesus?”
“Oh, He just needed some air. He’s just chillin it for awhile.”
“That’s it? He just needed some air?” I’m thinking to myself now, needed some air, just chillin it huh? Unexpected attack by Elf Assassins you say. Now I’m thinking on a different level, gears racing. Hmmm . . . . . . I might, too, if my dwelling had dead bodies scattered about, a delusional man in the next stall eating hay, my Mother hiding from the light of a Star in the hay loft, and a creepy sneak of a man watching it all from a crack in the wall! And not even a friendly beast in sight for comfort! I might take myself out for some air too! Hmmmm, interesting rendition.
What did I do about this? I left the pieces where they lay and where she’d put them. After all, The Book tells me how the scene really played out. And as it was, every time I passed the nativity, all those corpses were a good reminder to keep my eyes peeled for Militant Elf Assassins – apparently they’re sneaky little boogers. The animals certainly seemed pleased with their new sense of enlightenment, why disappoint? And Mary, poor dear, as long as she was hiding from the light, she was safe from EDWARD (this was the year the vampire trilogy Twilight showed up in theaters). The Wiseman in the stall eating hay was already beyond help so there was nothing to be done for him. And the Peeping Tom was a nice reminder to be careful, you never know who is watching you. And Baby Jesus? Always good to take a cue from Him isn’t it – sometimes when life gets crazy, it’s a good idea to step away from it all and get some air!
